yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize