Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
