quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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