Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
