My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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