Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
