My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We need to get me chipped asap
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
