This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
