Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
