Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
