my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
