I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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