If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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