i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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