Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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