do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
