she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
