Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
