remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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