I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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