Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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