I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's blow job season.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
