My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
