Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
