we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
