forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
