so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
