Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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