Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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