He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
