Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
