I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
