we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
