i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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