Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
