I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
