remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize