I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
