Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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