Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i now understand why vodka
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
