strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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