my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I deserve this hangover.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
