Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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