Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
