Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
