Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize