So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
