He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
