Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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