Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
