So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you never un-have a 4some
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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