And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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