he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
