Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
