I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
