Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
