i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
