nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
