I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
