dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
