woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
