I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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