why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
