hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
