we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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