It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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