I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
