some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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