I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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