i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
