who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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