I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
