so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
