Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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