How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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