you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
