Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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