It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
