I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
