He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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