I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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