so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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