he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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