i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
