how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
