guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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