Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
