I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Houston, we have a squirter
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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