have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
