I faked an abortion last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
