My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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