the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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