pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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