I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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