Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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