walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
