i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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