Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
