my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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