ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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