Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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