Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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